Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize