we have pet lesbian snakes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
