all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
