She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
