just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
