so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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