one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
