Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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