I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
