I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize