great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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