don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
