apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize