For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
