Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
