what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
