I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
