Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Randomize
