ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
