Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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