The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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