i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
