ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
