Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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