He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's blow job season.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
