The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
