is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize