I am puke
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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