I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
