At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
