went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
