Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
