Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
