that's an acceptable place to lick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
