I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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