I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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