Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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