When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
