and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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