my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
