You made me cry and you don't even care
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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