In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
