Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize