Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mom said you looked used
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
