it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
