I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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