I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
