He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
