YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
