I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
