So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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