I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your penis caused this!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize