apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
