Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
