I am puke
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
