If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
