The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
