just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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