you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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