I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
