True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
