I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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