please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
